Did I do enough
To keep things this way,
Or did I just watch
As you walked away.
Could I say much more
To help you to see,
Just how much
You mean to me.
I know that things
Have come between us,
Have kept us apart
And denied us this love.
I cannot explain
Or start to begin,
To numb this pain
To see you with him.
But I'll still deny
That I'm not okay,
Just wishing that things
Didn't turn out this way.
With each false hope
And unspoken regret,
Counting those times
I'd rather forget.
It has happened before
And will happen again,
Just renewing the hope
But prolonging the pain.
Should I keep this up
And wait for my chan
As the day shatters around me
I pick the last shard of light up off the floor
Clutching it in my bleeding hand,
Maybe I'll need it one day
If I feel my way to the end of this tunnel
To shed light on what I don't understand.
But for now the darkness is too deep
For this glimmer of hope to shine through
I can bearly see my feet,
Stumbling over those who have fallen
Crushing beneath me the faded shards and broken hearts
Of the ones who fell to deceit.
These accustomed eyes are glazed
With the weight of a thousand sleepless nights
Searching for a shadow in the dark,
I'm haunted by the sounds
Of the silent voices on the breeze
I t
When was the last time we said
We'd had this much fun?
Remembering each moment past
Just like the end had come.
Laughing out loud again
Over a long forgotten night
Lost in your eyes until
We wake in the morning light.
Unwilling to leave this dream
I fight off the sleep
To stay in this moment
For this promise I keep.
I told you long ago
You would be forever in my heart
Whether in my arms or in my mind
For those nights we are apart.
For these days that lie ahead
Of darkened times and absent friends
This love for you will carry me
No matter what I pretend.
You may forget from time to time
As we always do
But if you fall rem
Well my friend it has come to this
These broken dreams lay clenched in my fist,
Bruised from the blow you dealt to my heart
The black and blue pieces simply fall apart.
My final crutch has broken at last
Fading into shards of a long broken past,
I stand and I falter once more
Watching your shadow fade from the door.
The floor is my solace as I slowly descend
Breaking my fall and mourning my friend,
Unspoken abuse now rings in my ears
Drowning my thoughts and extracting my fears.
Echoing silence cannot break the cries
That never escapes my mouth or glaze my eyes,
Time stands still as I bear to look around
Taking in my life lying
Awaiting The End Of Waiting by diddilly, literature
Literature
Awaiting The End Of Waiting
I dreamt a good one last night
I watched myself sleeping out my life,
Never waking
But slowly breaking
Each promise that I made to you.
Awake in this nightmare again
Unconsciously trying in vain,
To make any sound
So that all around
Can share in my nightmare too.
I just forgot to open my eyes
I chose to ignore my cries,
But I can't resist
Such a fatal kiss
As I gave to my own denial.
I think I left it too long
So that the pain grew too strong,
And now I have to wait
Through the fear and hate
To hear the verdict of my trial.
At least the nightmare will end
And I'll sleep sound again,
When I know for sure
I can't win any
Setting sun
A night of torment again,
Humanity fades
The beast rears from within.
My resistance fails
Powerless to fight this,
I give into lust, into desire
As my cravings begin.
This nightmare
This broken dream I stalk,
Has shattered again
With the scream I awoke.
This sin lies afresh
As a new silence descends
And my refreshed guilt
Adds to this life that I broke.
Now I savour
This moment of bliss,
The thrill of salvation
From this crimson kiss.
It cannot last
The truth will prevail,
As my conscience breaks
Lying broken in my fist.
Aimlessly lost
In my souls damnation,
Lost in this limbo
Between despair and elation
Incase you're wondering
I'm not lying to you
Or pushing you away,
I'm protecting you
Protecting myself
From the things I want to say.
I wish I knew the reason
Why the pain exists
This pain I don't feel anymore,
The future is so clouded
Obscuring the truth
That nothing seems to be for sure.
If I was to lie
The truth only mine
Making content belief,
Would it help
Would I be right
To savour this relief?
Only time will tell
Which I could win
Whether it cost me defeat,
Keeping everyone
Losing myself
In a line I can't repeat.
I can't stand to know
That I have to wait
Wait to find this answer,
Every day questions
Will it
Walking alone, lost in the my thoughts
Misled by this dying flame,
I stumble on my rejected heart
Lying broken with my dreams again.
Its wasted love will never find
The reason why it lingers on,
Beating out this aching pain
That's crippled me since you've been gone.
I question why I wake each day
To give my love a second chance,
Knowing it will only be
Just blinded visions of lost romance.
Despite my aging judgement
The false hope of a new dawn rises,
But reality wins and I concede
The vacant skies hold no surprises.
Maybe I'll move on one day
Step out of these receding shadows,
And admit to you my heart was wrong
And see h
When I take away what you never had
Would you have those regrets,
That burn in me ever since that day
That day your heart forgets.
Beside you I have alway been
To catch you when you went astray,
But if I weren't there tomorrow
Would you fall the other way?
If I told you that I had to leave
Would you ever understand,
That not by choice or lack of love
I could never take your hand.
Could this passing be a sign
That things were not meant to be,
Or did the lack of words
Explain things I could not see.
I want this day for you to see
That even if I have to go
I will love you now and forever
But will you ever know?
The light begins to fade
Your dues are paid, its time to let go
Your time is served
Your lifes preserved, alone in your mind
A new reality is all you will find
You begin to question, can this be real?
But you soon realise the fear that you feel
Your heart is empty, the life is replaced
This reality is what you must face
To escape the grasp of what is to come
Fleeing from the past, from what you\'ve done
Stood alone now in a strange new place
What you did in life now adds to your disgrace
With bible in hand you stand in denial
Its all you have left when your soul is on trial
The way that you lived, you cannot ammend
The sins of
Your eyes squint against the glare
Of the new born sun
You turn to face a brand new day
Your journeys just begun
You set out along the road
No companion by your side
Experience cannot guide you
From your demons you must hide
The wisdom you gather slowly
And comrades you will find
To face the life in front of you
And to leave your doubts behind
A soul mate perhaps to guide the way
The route is set in stone
The path on which you must travel
But not necessarily alone
The sun burns in the midday sky
By the roadside you sit and rest
Now you\'ve come this far
And you\'re halfway through the test
Routines become the way of life
Such a fragile thing to have
A secure friendship in life
Someone to share your soul
Someone who makes you whole
A bond made through struggle
It seems unreasonable to be
That true loyalty is obtained
Through a shared time of pain
A friend is there or so it seems
But could this bond be broken?
True friendship is only ensured
Is through the times you\'ve endured
Upon the journey that you walk
The call of the siren rings out
The object of a friendships affection
Which of the two will face rejection?
For this girl you both fall
One is chosen over the other
That stake through the heart
That finally breaks you apart
Fallen comrad
You think you can feel my pain?
To try and help as I go insane
To stand here the lesser of two evils,
One stood before me devouring me whole
The other inside distorting my soul.
I cannot defeat this struggle within
An eternal battle that I cannot win
The cancer of one swallows us all,
Anger against a child, a simple scapegoat
In this sea of rage I struggle to float.
Why would this burden be your own?
You think you feel this pain alone?
But why would you let me in, let me help,
Instead you release you anger on me
A side of you I can\'t bear to see.
So instead of with you, I stand apart
Alone I cry with a bleeding heart
So you
As I lay awake below the stars
I stir, I drift
I feel my heart lift at the thought of you
Sometimes the distance doesn\'t seem that far
So great, or long
To get where I belong, with you.
By your side, is where I need to be
To stay, forever
To be alone never, to share with you my love
Upon this star, I wish for you to see
To know, and realise
The truth in my eyes and the extent of my love.
I never knew that I could feel this way
With passion, with lust
To have you I must, it\'s what my heart screams
But as I journey to you, between us he lay
A rival, another
And this night I discover, I only have you at night ... in dreams
To wake up by your side
Gazing longingly at you
To see the morning sun on your face
Filling the room
Filling me
With an endless joy
A happiness that\'s indescribable
As I watch you sleep
So peaceful
So beautiful
I lay back, mind drifting
Back to the night before
A night of unrivalled passion
A lust
A craving
Transported to another place
A place of pleasure
Two bodies as one
Sweating
Embraced
In ecstasy we recline
Back to reality, to a more peaceful place
Back to this place we lay now
Together
In love
Now this new day to spend our love
To fill my heart with happiness
And to make me complete
Whole again
Forever
Now
I cannot bear to watch anymore
To watch you waste away
Why should I be forced to watch?
You decay slowly each day
A mere shell of your former self
That is all I can see now
This illness has taken your body and soul
And left me with one question, how?
How and why could this happen?
This cancer that grips you inside
Stripping your life of meaning
And leaving no dignity or pride
Through this transparent brave face
I can see the harsh truth within
But of no one will you ask salvation
So this fight you cannot hope to win
By you side I will stand till the end
An end for better or for worse
But I beg of to stop fighting me
And sta
I was at an end, lying flat on my back
In the face of adversity I had fallen
My guiding light had been extinguished,
Nowhere to go, at a loss with myself
I lay alone, confused and distraught.
When all was thought to be lost
A glimmer of hope began to shine
The warming glow of your love in the darkness,
An unexpected salvation here before me
You helped me to my feet again.
The times seemed to be good once more
The darkness faded and light had prevailed
In your arms I had found happiness,
And in these arms I sought to stay forever
As my love for you would seek eternity.
The thought of you got me through the days
And my time with
See Hear And Speak No Evil by diddilly, literature
Literature
See Hear And Speak No Evil
I just cannot see it
The darkness is stalking me
My eyes cannot focus
From these shadows I must flee
Blinded by the spirits
I\'ve lost my way in the night
Fear is all that guides me
When I\'m alone without sight
I just cannot hear it
I\'m shrouded in the silence
Convinced that I\'m alone but
Still haunted by its presence
Deafened by the screaming
Of the tortured souls on the ground
Only death can help them
When I\'m alone without sound
I just cannot call it
The beast doesn\'t hear my cries
It cannot comprehend me
Although I\'m staring into its eyes
I lay here now screaming
But no sound will come out
Now evil is all that
"Chinese Fortune Cookie"
I always read these Chinese proverbs,
They make all the sense in the world,
But no one ever gives a crap,
No one knows their worth,
They prefer to read those fortunes,
That I never seem to get,
Your man of your dreams will call you,
Or some day you'll be rich,
Don't you see,
They're just saying what you wanted to hear,
They're just saying that you're that dumb American ass,
That you are,
Jerry Springer isn't just for T.V.,
I'm pregnant and my boyfriend,
He wants my best friend,
I love the way he says he loves me,
I love how he thinks he's good at pretend,
But fortunes are for niave people,
Fortunes
hold me once for always
in the embrace of gentle eyes
bittersweet like nymph ponds
and blue like cloudless skies
catch me if I fall eternally
from my perch in angel's web
holding onto softest hands
and moments never to forget
look at me forever
with soul windows holy true
I see you in drifting thoughts
and all I know is you
ballin
your hands in my pockets
boff
my lips to your ear
carnal
you insinuate desire
coition
I lead you upstairs
coitus
you dim the lights
copulation
I pour the mulled wine
fooling around
your hand moves lower
fornication
my tounge to your spine
fuck
you ask for permission
hump
I don\'t have to reply
intimacy
you whisper poetry
lay
I\'m tied down with a sigh
nookie
you take the reins
relations
I tell you my name
screw
you don\'t hear my voice
sex
I\'m gagged to tame
courtship
you ask for a smoke
sexual relations
I get you a light
intercourse
you say you feel sick
manhood
I lose sight
label it anything
Ambling by
Each new day,
Breaking dawns
Lead me astray.
To look around
To see each face,
Together, happy
In their true place.
I cannot deny
What has always been,
From truthful eyes
My tears gleam.
A lonely hand
Wipes a single tear,
This repetition
This only fear.
My calling
My fate, my curse?
Lived each day
No lines to rehearse.
Forever a friend
A place called home,
Unwanted, dependant
And forever alone.
Current Residence: England Favourite genre of music: Metal Operating System: Windows XP MP3 player of choice: Freecom Beatman Shell of choice: Mortar Skin of choice: Yours! Favourite cartoon character: Peter Griffin
Favourite Visual Artist
Salvador Dali
Favourite Movies
Pulp Fiction
Favourite Bands / Musical Artists
A Perfect Circle, Incubus, Chilis, Alkaline Trio etc.
Inspired by ~soluscado (https://www.deviantart.com/soluscado)'s recent Quote of the day journals, I felt like looking up a few for myself! And I found this one and it has now become my work ethic for my 2nd year at university!
"Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something."
It will be a good year!
This, is a new journal entry, jsut for the purpose of making the page look different! Nothing special to reptort in it, as i'm doing large amounts of nothing at the moment! Will keep you posted if i discover anything interesting in my life!
Well I'm home from the old university thing! 3 weeks of sleep is in order, but alas I have to work to get some money so I can eat next term! Also the man has given me a large amount of work to do! :shakefist: Not been on DA for a while, my halls deem us not worthy of the internet, so I have to pay £73 a week for bugger all! I remain not amused!
mello sweetie pie!
How u doing?
Sorry about last night...was all mehified, really needed a hug...but i got all my work done now...FINALLY! woo!
Hope you had fun last night!